Final Thoughts on ‘Balloon Boy’

Let’s consider, just for a moment, the state of the world had the ‘balloon boy’ hoax been successful:

The Lifetime Network produces a made for TV docudrama entitled “When Balloons Attack: The Heene Family Saga.” Ernie Reyes, Jr. plays the role of Falcon Heene.

Those dudes from Mythbusters attempt to recreate the same conditions with a runaway weather balloon in the Palm Desert. Special guest star Ernie Reyes, Jr. reprises his role of Falcon Heene and clings to the makeshift balloon.

The movies “Bubble Boy” and “The Boy in the Plastic Bubble” experience a sudden and dramatic increase in sales and rentals.

Thousands of newly documented cases of Globophobia grip the continental United States. Ernie Reyes, Jr. is forced back into an uncomfortable retirement.

Flash to the present day: The best part of the whole ‘balloon boy’ nonsense was that their six year old son spoiled the plot. Apparently those idiot parents didn’t know that children of that age are incapable of lying. Six year olds are like a bunch of George Washingtons walking around dropping a dime on everybody, including themselves.

Fortunately for the rest of us, we all got the Scooby Doo ending: “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids.”

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